i'm all about them, words.
Sunday, August 27, 2006
- 10:00 PM
tripping
the day started out innocently enough. woke up extremely early. 8am. was half awake/half asleep till 9am. when i finally got up and out of bed, and after taking 2 to 3 steps, i fell back onto my bed, with half my body on the floor. i was having some really severe headache. in the process of falling back, my hip bone hit the bedside. pain.
the headache lasted for half the day. i couldnt even walk in a straight line. was feeling extremely drowsy and uncomfortable when i left my house to go to justin's. the walk to the bus stop never felt so scary. it was as though i could collapse at any time, no joke. but i got onto the bus safely and slept the entire journey to town. by the time i woke up, my headache wasnt as bad, but it was there. missed my stop. after a lot of navigational difficulties, i finally got to justin's house. did written report. not really completed, but almost there.
and at 4pm, we went for soccer! gosh! finally, some exercise. the past week has been a lot of mental work, especially due to council, teachers' day concert preparations. i wanted to run the headache off, but i guess it didnt work. i was kinda having a headache the whole time, but it wasnt as bad. and to add on to the headache, i now have blisters on the soles of my feet and a very unstable right knee.
ok, i sound like im filling in a casualty case sheet. and no, im not trying to gain sympathy from all this. it's just... this headache is bloody persistent! leave my head alone already!
now on a more serious note, i was on my way home when i was thinking. and as usual, when people start to think, that's when things start to take shape, or sometimes even get distorted.
for the first time in a very long time, i feel so detached.
the lonesome bus ride home perhaps amplified everything.
i suddenly felt like i didnt need anyone in my life.
and that's when i broke down.
that thought went against all my beliefs i've established since sec 1.
i dont know what's this feeling.
i've been trying to understand it since last night.
i guess it's that feeling of detachment.
gosh, all this has got to stop.
i need to retrace my steps.
get back onto that path.
i guess it's just like before,
whenever the last cup is tipping,
i end up tripping.
if my life was like a river
i'm meandering non-stop
i cant find the right path to take
and when i finally reach the ocean
im lost
and once again
i've lost my place.
maybe i should just sleep this over.
maybe i should just stay awake throughout the night, thinking this over.
maybe i should just detach.
maybe i am already doing so.
maybe. i've lost that certainty.
i dont know why.
i dont really know anything anymore.
