i'm all about them, words.
Friday, August 04, 2006
- 4:40 AM
criminality of thought
long time since i've blogged with a title. about time that started again. i guess a title would give my entries more focus, and perhaps even give each entry a theme (lit influence in cambridge is overwhelming. lol.)
mr pang has told us to ponder about and write a reflection on criminality and violence. i have a feeling it might turn out a disaster for me. ah well.
i titled my blog entry as such cos i kinda realised how we as humans all participate in some sort of criminality. and we participate in it more so in thought than anything else. that's all i've got so far.
on another note of criminality of thought, i guess i've been so messed up and retarded the past few days here in cambridge. i keep havingvthe phobia of everything just going on and going too fast forward without me. there are people i dont want to lose and im just afraid this long trip might just be that catalyst for the undesirable.
my mental degeneration.
i'm hating it.
hate me.
i am trying to enjoy myself. trying.
trying to forget whatever's happening back home.
trying to inhibit these worries.
trying to impede these thoughts.
but then the song plays and i'm drawn back into my memories and worries.
but i'm still trying.
i'm sounding pathetic.
self-indulgent even?
alas, i'm not who i am anymore.
this distance is changing me.
it's maiming my life.
miles apart.
quote from Great Expectations: "and will continue friends apart".
pardon me once again for being so patronising.
i'll be just fine.
pretending I'm not.
i'm far from lonely.
and it's all that I've got.
reminiscing.
i'm staring into those eyes in my sleep.
i'm hearing that voice through these songs.
i'm trying.
these thoughts do me much injustice.
the criminality of thought.