i'm all about them, words.
Thursday, July 06, 2006
- 9:00 PM
went back to sji today. sji is really a sanctuary. everything in there is just so perfect to me. but then again, it's subjective. oh well, it's perfect to me, and i guess that's all that matters. walking in today, i felt that warmth and magic touch me and lift me once again. sji is indeed my sanctuary. the world may be in chaos, my life outside the walls of sji may be in a mess, but inside sji, i feel so at peace, so at home. yes, i know that maybe it's time to move on. sji is a thing of the past you might say, but to me, it's always a part of my life.
i went back to help out in sjab competition training as requested by ronney. before that, i went into the sanctuary within the sanctuary, the sji chapel. life these 6 months has not been as desirable as i had liked it to be. in fact, it's perhaps the 6 months in which i have had the most regrets. most of these months have been suffering under a facade of fun. back in the sji chapel, i was contemplating, reflecting. i decided to turn to God for help, for the first time in a very long time. God never had a place in my life for the past 6 months. perhaps that's why i've been suffering. then again, i know that it's also because of many other incidents that have occurred over the course of these months. i asked God to show me the way, to guide me through these tough times. as i closed my eyes and whispered my amen, i felt a surge of new found strength to carry on.
roy was outside the chapel with sjab. as i shared with him that i've had the most regrets these 6 months, and that i wish i could stay in sji, wish that i could turn back time, he said something that hit me. he said to me that i was escaping. yes, as simple as that. and i realised how right he was. i've been running away from these problems all the time. hiding pain through dance etc.
i shall look through Your eyes
and i shall find a better place somewhere out there
elsewhere, i hear sighs.
i don't know which side to stand on.
but i can tell right from wrong.
i'm sticking to the right side.
thinking it through, i realised...
i've only heard one side of the story.
but somehow i know that's enough.
after all, i've personally experienced how history does repeat itself.
i'm not surprised at the dynamics now.
i'm so not going to escape anymore.
so what are you gonna do about that? sue me?
music, another form of expression.
I've been waiting for a good day
I've been holding back long enough
I've been hurting to tell you some things
it's not the falling of the temperature
that's making all our bones run cool
it's the breeze you make
the presence felt when you're around me
i'm suddenly feeling how i did around 5 months ago.
but i'm not going to escape.
cjc's getting a bit better day by day. all i have to do is stop escaping i guess.
i'm going to die of cannot breathe. ahahahaha! (ok, pardon the bad english and bad place to put that phrase. but i just had to type that. jazryl's phrase that has kinda got justin and ben loong all hysterical. and perhaps it's the way we all say it that makes it funnier.)
ok, back to business. i think i've made up my mind. no more escaping. i'll make it through the rain. i'll find that better place somehwere out there. i'll see the path from this dark place. no more escapism in my life! rahh!
putting on those dancing shoes once again. but with a different vendetta.
slightly bruised and broken
from our head on collision
still waiting for a good day
still waiting for a good day
