i'm all about them, words.
Monday, July 03, 2006
- 11:00 PM
school reopens tomorrow.
the beginning, or the end
i'd never guess.
i have a feeling that i'm once again faced with a past experience i would never want to relive.
the problem is, i think i'm reliving it already.
i turned to dance to forget.
danced away the pain.
dance became that avenue of expression.
yet today as i danced, the avenue which used to be so vast, turned to a bottleneck.
one could never dance to forget.
one dances to remember.
and that's something i never wanted.
reliving that experience all over again.
i cannot believe it's found its way back into my life, worse still, into dance.
school reopens tomorrow.
i realise that i'm perhaps just in the big wheel of life.
just like a hamster running that wheel.
you keep running but you always find yourself in that same spot.
yet we never stop running, we never stop peddling on that bicycle of life.
saw this from linus' house: "life is like a bicycle, you don't fall off unless you stop peddling."
and then it hit me.
i'm trapped.
i'm not sure of what i'm going through.
worse still, i think it is affecting my academics.
it already has.
took a toll on my mid years.
maybe i should take a break from dancing.
ok, joke: take a BREAK from dancing.
(ok sorry not funny)
i'm not laughing either.
school reopens tomorrow.
oh no, it's not cos of school that i feel so screwed up inside.
joseph sent me a break beat.
it's great.
but i just couldn't dance to it.
it's a beat i wanted quite badly, but now that i have it, i can't appreciate it.
i guess that's true in more than one way.
as true for me as it may be for you.
dania's performance yesterday.
oh yes, it sure made me feel worse for saying she couldn't sing.
or rather, that those rockers at kindred could sing better.
as usual, i was wrong.
point is, the guilt is still there.
the performance yesterday was really really spectacular.
i guess it could be described as "flying without wings".
and maybe cos that's the song that's playing right now.
school reopens tomorrow.
i'm not even sure whether to look forward to it or not.
maybe i'm not that great a friend after all.
i've been so detached from wei kann these few days, weeks, months.
and then kann will probably tell me that it's not my fault.
please don't tell me that.
i'm going to find that right path once again.
school. that word is just stuck in my head.
am i beginning to dread it now?
why?
i'm still thinking.
has dance let me down and brought the demons of my life back into it.
or is this just another part of life's many challenges.
somehow i want to swear at all of this, but i shall refrain from it.
the lights die out.
yet the music plays on.