i'm all about them, words.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
- 12:00 AM
day of disappointments.
did badly for certain mid year subjects.
at an all-time low.
stressed, depressed.
just earlier, wei kann was sharing his troubles with me. not that i don't care or am being indifferent, but i don't know how i can help with my own problems to solve. then again, i hope this doesnt stop him from sharing his problems. i'm always here for a listening ear. oh what the hell la, i'm contradicting myself.
sometimes it feels like the world's on my shoulders.
stressed with eom earlier. realised eom can be reshuffled to spell emo.
someone already hit the jackpot in guessing what was bothering me. or rather, ONE of what were bothering me tonight.
there are like 3 glasses overflowing with water.
if only water represented troubles.
i don't know why, but i always want to face things alone.
screwed up me i guess.
everytime i feel the pain, i let it out on some non-living thing. everytime i feel depressed, i take that deadly dose of sweetness. what bothers me so, i wish i could tell the world. then again, hermit seems like a better option at the moment. if isolation could heal all wounds, i would be gone forever. so close to swearing, then again, how would that help. screaming out the window, a useless cause. close to tears, and yet i know, what for?
never believed this would happen again. and the reasons so, i sometimes want to question. so uncertain once again. months ago seem like the present. how much i wish i could share it all. songs come into my mind. once again in a huge mess. maybe it's cos of the building of castles in the air. at a loss once again. maybe it's my tragic flaw.
if i could just see you, this darkness will turn to light.
i'm so incoherent.
maybe it's not that no one understands me, maybe i don't understand everyone.
i kinda figured out the reason for the drifting apart of me and kann. we lost the only thing that was holding us together, the common thing we felt a part of. sji. sji was like the glue between us. sji was the other side of us. if they were to write about, the story of our lives, they would have to mention sji, in every page they write. then again, maybe i'm wrong.
my turn to be overwhelmed by everything that's going on. then again, i know i'll try to feel ok the next day, go to school with a smile. everything just turns out ok. but i sometimes wonder how true it may be. cos once i'm left to the silence and solitude of the night, the troubles come pouring back.
to let go or hold on.
drowning.
running away, hiding somewhere in the night.
